May I just say this post is about to be everywhere because I don’t really have a main topic, I’m just venting as you may say. I just feel so .. out of place lately. So much is going on yet nothing is going on. I have so many of my own problems, and then there is so many problems out in the world. There’s not a safe place in the world to run away to. Lately, i’ve just kind of been living but not fully there if that makes any sense. I don’t feel happy anymore, I don’t feel anything really. There was once a time when you never caught me without a smile on my face, I didn’t have any cares in the world life was just simply great. Now, it’s not that simple and certainly not all happy happy.. far from it. Guess that’s the real world though.
One thing i do feel though, is fear. Fear of the world, and all the horrible people in it. Its such a cruel place out there, makes me so scared of starting a family of my own one day. Living life with worry just isn’t right.
Fear of my dreams, and the crazy things going on when I sleep.. the nightmare I had the other night and its kept me up these past few nights. I’d rather not speak of what occurred but it sure knew every little thing to do to push me past my limits. Then on top of that I had a dream a couple nights ago about past actions reappearing, thats the thing about the past though. You can move on from it all you want, but it still ends up finding a way back into your head sooner or later.
Fear of my thoughts, and all the fucked up shit in my head. I’m great at overthinking and jumping to conclusions. It’s just when I find things (which I do) I act on them too fast and ruin things. I just live life in so much fear, I do the things I do because I fear losing the little good I do still have in my life. I’ve fucked up a lot recently, and it’s put a lot things in jeopardy but all I want to do if fix everything.
this post has been sitting in my drafts so what the heck. why not post it.
Briannatan11 