Hello again everyone! I hope 2020 has been treating y’all well! I hope you’re all sticking to your goals and becoming the best version of yourself. Well, starting off… Today’s post might be a little all over the place because I had a very off week but here I am back on my feet, feeling more inspired than ever before!
So, if you didn’t already know, this past week I started my new position at my job. I was super pumped up about it, and was excited to get in there! It was also going to be our first day back from Winter Break and I really missed the kids! Anyways, the day before we went back, I had lunch with my husband and the fortune from my fortune cookie really uplifted me.
You see what I didn’t mention was that even though I was really pumped to go back I was also extremely nervous. A bad habit of mine, which I’m sure a lot of you can relate to, is that I am afraid to fail. Sometimes I’m so afraid to fail that I give up before I even give my self a chance to. In my head I’m like, “well if you don’t try you won’t fail.” However, that’s a terrible way to look at things. Which is why I decided to take this promotion! I am now the Lead Caregiver in my toddler classroom. To be honest with you, at first I was debating on even accepting this promotion. You’re probably thinking, why in the world would you do that? Well like I said, I was afraid of failing. Especially of failing these kids who deserve nothing but the best. As you can imagine, I had plenty of friends and family urging me towards accepting it and reassuring that they believed in me. The problem was, I didn’t believe in myself the way others did. Nonetheless, I sat back and thought about how my boss had the upmost faith in me and has trusted me to step up and lead things. So that’s what I’m going to do! I am extremely grateful that she has taken a chance and given me this opportunity but I’m also taken back by it. So you can imagine how uplifting it was to come across this fortune the day before we went back. It was like a sign, and it couldn’t have came at a better time!
I felt a lot of emotions going in on Tuesday and returning to see the kids! The day actually went pretty good and I survived my first day! Then, in a moment it all just flushed down the toilet. I had somewhat of a belittling interaction with someone (who I won’t mention) and they completely just stomped on my confidence. For the record, I know that their intention wasn’t to hurt my feelings or anything, but I was very discouraged to say the least.. After such a good day, I began to question myself for taking this position. As you can probably imagine, I came home completely broken and had a long talk with my husband. We talked for awhile and then we watched a service from an old series from church and I felt better after it was all said and done. The next morning, I woke up, listened to a motivational podcast, put on some worship music on the way to work and I walked in with my head lifted high. It was going to be a good day, right? Well, I thought that’s how it worked. Long story short, Friday came and still, I was just not feeling it. My mind was just down in the dumps and I was just so relieved that the weekend was here.
Fast forward to today, the church service really just spoke to me about this week. Of course it did! Because God has my back! I know he sees my struggles, but I also know he wouldn’t have put me here if he didn’t think I could handle it. It’s why I’m writing this to you to say: you just have to keep fighting. Well, that’s not everything I took from the service, but that is exactly what I’m going to keep doing. You see, today my pastor continued part 2 of the series: Warrior. He talked about how you need to kill your inner coward and combat being such a hesitant warrior. You need to fight your inner fear of failure and keep on fighting. I had a really rough week because my head wasn’t in the right place, but you better believe after today’s message that I’m going to get back out there on Monday and try again. I have to continue forward, because God knows that these children deserve it. I have to stop letting the evil one continously discourage my spirit. After I had that conversation on Tuesday, I began to let those words manipulate my mind. That was the devil trying to keep me from doing what I needed to do. That was him telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I was already failing at my job. Well guess what, not today satan! God is with me, and I know I let that conversation get the best of me, but that ends today. After all, that’s what I’m working on this year, to love myself fully and stop the self doubt. I had a bad week, but it’s not going to be a bad year. I refuse to let this go any further, so I’m going to get back out there. I’m going to go lead those kids and be the best that I can be for them. I hope whatever inner fear(s) you are facing right now, you are able to defeat them and stop letting them define you. It’s time you start fighting back and take control of your life again. Get out there and face your fears. With God you have everything you need to fight! As always, I love you all dearly and I believe in you.
-Lots of Love, B.
Briannatan11 