My husband encouraged me earlier this year to begin working out..
Now if you know me, and I mean truly know me, you know that I have never been one to workout and go to the gym. I actually hated doing anything fitness related.
Now back in the day I loved to run, I would run faithfully pretty much everyday.
Side note: Anytime I bring up running my dad will almost immediately tell you, “yeah she would go running to meet up with her boyfriend, not actually run.” which granted he wasn’t exactly wrong lol however I really did just love running.
It was my ‘me’ time and time where I could just gather my thoughts, go over the day, and listen to a nice playlist I would’ve put together.
Running was my “working out” until I eventually gave up running and spent my time doing other things. That’s when I became extremely lazy and kind of lost my motivation to get up and do anything. Now I can barely run down the street without almost passing out.
The truth is, I loved running because anyone could do it. Anyone couldn’t exactly go as long or as far as others but anyone could go running around the block. It was simple and not much learning behind it. The problem was that you don’t build an instagram body by running. You don’t get rid of your spaghetti arms by running. You don’t get washboard abs by running. Although I wanted all of these things, I still hated the idea of working out.
February 1st, of this year was the first day I started working out with my husband. In all honesty, I felt amazing afterwards. I was actually eager to get back in there the next day. Although, as the days passed, I came across more difficult challenges, and felt defeated more… and more… and more, each time.
Then it all became clear to me, that I’ve hated working out because it was genuinely HARD and infinitely challenging. I was afraid to work out because it meant I had to face me being weak and unhealthy. I’ve had 2 gym memberships my whole life and I absolutely hated them. It was basically a waste of money because I hardly went. My husband would have to drag me there, and while I was there I was extremely insecure and just waiting to leave. You see, I’m a tiny girl; anyone can look at me and make all these assumptions. Trust me, I’ve gotten them my whole life. Stuff like, “oh girl you need to put some meat on them bones”, or “oh you better watch out the wind might blow you away”, or “girl you need to eat more so you can gain more weight”. Oh, and my personal favorite, “girl you don’t need to go to the gym you’re already skinny”. As if going to the gym only meant you were trying to lose weight.
I’ve heard this so many times that ultimately, it just made me want to forget even trying it. I felt that everytime I was going to the gym I was being judged. Which in reality, people probably weren’t even paying any attention to me (Lol). However, my mind kept convincing me that everyone was watching my every move, which made me uncomfortable.
I wanted to get rid of my spaghetti arms. In order to do that, I had to begin lifting weights, in addition to actually dedicate time to working out … which scared the living crap out of me. I didn’t want to constantly lift weights in front of people. Look at me! I’m a tiny girl and tiny girls can’t lift weights (says the world)
So anytime anyone would invite me or even bring up the idea of working out, I would immediately shut down and change the subject. I hated thinking about it because I didn’t want to discuss me being weak, lazy or not eating healthy. I would much rather just continue to hide behind my insecurities and go on like they were never even there.
Though, the more I grow, the more I realize just how much my insecurities have been holding me back. I’ve let my insecurities control the way I live, and the way I think of myself.
It’s now close to being two months since I first started working out (at home of course where I’m most comfortable) and every time I see new results I get so overfilled with joy! It’s so satisfying when the results from all of your hard work begin to show. Mostly so you don’t feel like you’re just wasting your time. I would be lying if I said I haven’t gotten frustrated when I work out. It’s actually extremely hard for me to keep going and keep trying to improve. Yes, the results are nice, but not enough to get past all these years of self-sabotage. I’m slowly (but surely) trying to rebuild myself and begin to work on self-love, and recognize my worth. It’s actually quite surprising how far I’ve grown stronger, both mentally and physical. I’m also extremely grateful for my husband. He’s always noticed how much of a challenge this has been for me and he never makes me feel less of what of I am. He always pushes me to do my best and is there when I have tears strolling down my face from all the frustration. He constantly motivates me and congratulates me when I meet a goal. I give props to everyone and anyone who is able to follow a fitness journey and turn their life around because it is so challenging to get past the mental barriers.
One day I’ll look back though, and thank myself for never giving up because then I will know that I could have done it all along. With the help of my husband, the mighty power of my Savior, and me for believing in myself for once, I will finally do these things, I swore I never could do.
I still lack the confidence, but I am slowly starting to feel better about myself and who I am. For once I am proud of the accomplishes I have met and the struggles I have beaten.
I am who you say I am! Thank you Jesus, for giving me the strength to keep on pushing!
So, I ask you – What is it that’s holding YOU back? Is it your confidence? Is it lack of time? Is it your parents? Your partner? Your job? What are you allowing to hold you back? Because if I can get past my many years of mental barriers and push myself to work out then you can very well get out there and do the same! I believe in you! You are a warrior! We are warriors! You can do big things if you set your mind towards it! Let’s uplift each other up?Please join me! I will gladly push you and help you get to where you need to be. I’m no where close to where I want to be, but I surely am on the right path, and it feels so good. So, just take one step in the right direction and see for yourself. I plan to continue to workout as I’ve been doing and shooting for the stars! I want to start running again, and I’ve got a head-start on that by walking my dog every so often. I also want to maybe start up Zumba again. That used to be one of my other favorites because it’s like working out but you’re dancing and having a good time. What are your favorite workout routines or activities? I encourage you to try one out this week or download a workout app and complete a workout. Or just go run around the block. Whatever it may be I hope you get moving. Take back control of your life. I know there will be days that we struggle and don’t want to do it but imagine how fulfilling it will be when you do. Also remember to take care of yourself though. It’s okay to have rest days just remember to go 10 times harder when you return. Now go out and and improve yourself!
Inspirational Quote: “Growth is usually uncomfortable, therefore growth and comfort never coexist.” – Craig Groschel
-Lots of Love, B.
Briannatan11 